A - He's out in the back yard assembling a dog house of course! Silly!
Make that TWO dog houses. After we got home from dinner last night I realized the four bipeds were going to be out of the house most of the day Friday. Upon checking www.noaa.gov, I saw the Pin Point Forecast was for s cool 52 degrees tonight and maybe 69 degrees tomorrow. Radar was about to be a little tan four legged popsicle. Well maybe a slushee or something. Anyway, he was going to be cold. No good. Fortunately the People's Republic of China and the folks at hayneedle.com via UPS had supplied us with two ready to assemble dog houses.
Radar's house was a snap. 15 minutes from cutting tape to stuffing blankets in it. Done deal.
Oz's was maybe 25 minutes. It was heavier of course. It was bigger of course. It seemed bigger anyway. Eight bolts and a dozen wood screws later I was ready to have the big guy come on down. So half a doggy treat in hand, diet & all, I get him out back. Into the house goes the treat and .... that's where we stop.
He walked up the the house. Stuck his head in. Tried to a put leg in, no. Stepped back, tried again, OK, one leg, then two. At this point he is down about as low as he can get without falling. His shoulders are hitting the top of the door. All you can hear is this snarf, lick, snarf sound. I can see in my head him sticking that giant tongue out as far as he can to get that little nugget of food. He got it! Out he came. He tried a couple more times to see if there were any crumbs left. Each time, up to his shoulder and that was it.
The basic problem here is that Oz's shoulders are 28" off the floor. The door is like 18 inches or something. Let's not forget the other 10 inches of head and neck. I was holding out hope that his ability to shrink into a little sleeping ball was going to pay off. Nope. I have failed doggy geometry.
Great. $169.00 plus shipping and the dog doesn't fit. Okay, back to the website. Where's that return policy? After reading how happy they want me to be for half a page I find the online return thing. Checked "other", entered "Dog did not fit", as I clicked on submit I looked at "damaged box or product" check box and thought, "hmmm" is there any damage? Well, too late to check that box. The click event had fired and my message was off to customer service.
Still, I had to know. Damage? Was there damage?It was dark. I built the thing with the yard lights. I wanted a dog house up and ready to go. As long as the thing stood up, I was happy. Besides Oz is damage on four legs fueled by ten cups of kibble a day. What the hell is a little shipping damage to me? So I hadn't really bothered to look.
With flashlight in hand and the eye of an FDA inspector on, I headed out to look. Ureka! Damaged goods! Better yet, damaged box. Always a good thing. Lot's of old beat up tape on it too. Sweet! A couple of cracks and dinged up corners and a few scuffs, perfect. After a brief photo shoot I e-mailed the photo's off to customer service with all the business about it being dark and some hint of how stressed I was just to get it built. The game is on!
The hayneedle.com website promptly e-mailed me another explanation of how happy they want me to be and a case number.
So now we wait.
Meanwhile Teri's shift was cancelled, so Oz has won another day of lounging on a nice warm couch. Hopefully today I will learn that I will get my $169.00 bucks less shipping back. Then this weekend it'll be off to Home Depot for materials.
How is it that the Postal Service is going broke by the way? What portion of the GDP goes to shipping all this crap around anyway?
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